How to live life to the fullest amidst a terminal disease

I’d be lying if I said that living with metastatic breast cancer isn’t the hardest, saddest, most challenging thing I’ve ever had to go through. But I’d also be lying if I said I haven’t been able to find joy in life since my diagnosis. Although life has been difficult, I am so thankful I’ve been able to live to the fullest and experience some form of happiness on a daily basis. I want to start off by saying that everyone has their own story and journey, so just because I have been able to find happiness in my life so soon does not mean everyone should/will feel the same. I’d also like to add, if you’re reading this and are newly diagnosed/at the beginning of your journey, it’s probably going to take you a while to find real joy again. When I was first diagnosed, I remember crying almost every day, waking up wishing my life was just a bad dream, and thinking it was never going to get easier. Fortunately, I was wrong! Here are some things I have done to find the good in each and every day, even when life just plain sucks.

1. Write down 3 things to be thankful for everyday. This idea was inspired through my therapist and has been a great reminder to me of all the blessings in my life. Such a simple thing, but a great way to remember there is still goodness in the world.

2. Rely on other people. Whether it’s family, friends, coworkers, or strangers trying to help you out and offer support, accept it. It can be a very strange and humbling feeling to lean on others, but I can tell you from experience that this has been so beneficial to me. If someone is offering a listening ear, talk with them and explain how you’re feeling, or verbalize what you need. I’ve had days where I’ve called up a friend just to chat, so I don’t have to be alone. Nolan (my husband) and I have been so fortunate to see the community come together for us. It’s definitely one of the positives that's come out of this tough situation.

3. Distract yourself through hobbies and activities you love. I’ve never been one to have a lot of hobbies. Because I’ve been unemployed since diagnosis, I definitely have a lot more time on my hands. I’ve always enjoyed reading, but never had the time to read as much as I wanted until this past year. Since I was diagnosed, I’ve read around 20 books which is a lot for me! On the slow, dreary days, I’ve worked on puzzles or coloring books while listening to music. I’ve found this has been one of the easiest ways to stop thinking about my hardships, especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed with negative thoughts. I also have loved going on walks in nature. Whether it’s by myself, with my hubby or parents, and of course, my puppies, it’s truly relaxing to get outside and admire creation. Plus, it’s good for you! I also have tried to exercise for about 20 minutes a few times a week. This may seem like nothing, but for me it’s more than usual and is definitely beneficial for physical and mental health. All of these hobbies have proven to be quite therapeutic.

4. Get involved at church (or, if church isn’t for you, feed your spirituality and invest yourself in the community.) It has been so important and fulfilling for Nolan and me to get involved at our church. We joined a small group pretty soon after I was diagnosed with a bunch of young married couples, and they all have been such a blessing to us. It’s so amazing to have a community of believers encouraging us and praying for us. I also started singing as a worship leader and that has brought me so much joy. In addition, it’s so important to take time to pray, or meditate so you can fully process everything you’re going through. Another way to get involved with your community is to volunteer. It can be something simple such as serving a meal at a homeless shelter, or buying gifts around the holidays for those in need. When you see other people’s gratitude for your actions, it is so meaningful. It also can be a great reminder that you aren’t alone in your suffering.

5. Travel! I know we’ve been living through a pandemic, so this isn’t the easiest thing to do, but you can still make travel happen in a safe way! Before I was diagnosed, I was working as a travel nurse in the thick of the pandemic, but Nolan and I still found ways to enjoy the new places we were in. Whether it was going to the beach or a national park, or trying new restaurants, it’s all so worth it. We also have visited Nolan’s family in Washington which is so important during this time. On top of that, we are planning a trip to the Dominican Republic at an all inclusive resort. Nolan and I have never traveled internationally together, and neither of us have been to an all inclusive resort, so this was a must do for us! So, get out there and see the world!

6. Live like you are dying. Although this phrase is somewhat ironic, it’s really been beneficial to me. Each day is such a gift, and I wake up knowing I want to make the most of it; After all, a new day is never guaranteed. Whether it’s having a lazy day, and chilling, eating your favorite snacks while watching Netflix, or whether it’s planning a trip to an all-inclusive with your best friends, do whatever brings you joy and is something you’ve always wanted to do. Just because you’re sick, doesn’t mean you can’t do all of the things you’ve dreamed of doing. (I realize cancer can be physically debilitating, but on the days you’re feeling well, try and do as much as you can within reason.) Even through cancer, I’m checking off as many items on my bucket list as possible!

7. Practice self care. This could mean getting a massage or pedicure, journaling, putting on makeup and dressing up, or snuggling up in a blanket and watching your favorite show. Self care looks different for everyone, but find something that makes you feel good and helps you relax. We all know how busy life gets and taking some time for yourself is vital to be able to enjoy the fun times in life.

These are just some of the things I’ve done to find joy in my life and feel as though my life is still “normal” despite having a cancer diagnosis. I hope you can take these tips to heart and find your own happiness no matter how difficult your situation is. Keep smiling,